Sunday, 4 October 2015

American Piehole vs. Whoever

Good evening. I am Vlad the Impaler. I know I was telling this joke last time on this pages. Still not to worry, I am not coming here for ramming spike inside American Piehole like David Cameron in head of pig at Oxford.

Anglo tradition at higher learning institution is funny to Russian elite. We are drinking vodka and fighting animal. They are drinking whiskey and having sex with animal. Boys to be boys!


In America is also so. Your own John Kerry was naked in coffin playing confessing game for joining small group inside one of few most prestigious university in New England. George Bush had tell me about friend who listen to Kerry playing with penis and weeping. He should be lucky! Is much better than sex with pig! Skull and Bones say they are Order of Death. This is important. In life two things are sure: death and sex.

Is not so different than drunken battle with bear. Okay — is different! Like our culture. But science is the same. We have here in Russia a system of making Russian believe in Russian way so Russian does not trust what is not Russian. In America you think Russian girl hates President by showing boobies and yelling in Red Square. But in Russia we like boobies very much!

You have in America same system. Americans do not trust what is not American, sometimes at same time while speaking against American things. Russian thinks that American man hates President by wearing camouflage and yelling on Internet video. But in America you like military very much. Even anti-war guy is saying he likes troops but not to make war.

Kremlin communication director is showing me every morning the news from America. My favorite is when he is reading comments from your common people. They believe funny things – like American bombing children in hospital is fault of Taliban. But crazy guy shooting American students is fault of gun. 

Is sounds crazy, but system for making citizen believe is how politician can cry about need for control of gun at same time they give signature for sending most deadly gun to all corner of globus. Citizen living in such culture of thinking cannot win forever. But how and when this is to be happening is great mystery of life. Is why I am so the happy man!

American believe US weapon & money going in hands of wrong rebel people... either is tragic mistake, or because president is loser. Also he is believing that Russian bombing wrong rebel people is not mistake... and president is loser. Two of this is not true. The president is winning president because he is winner. And there is no mistakes.

Oh, yeah. I remember one exception: George W. Bush was not winner for president. He's telling me himself, this guy! Then he's laughing, like, "Heh-heh."

The President Bush was also very much laughing how always American is believing in half the lie. He's telling me Dick Cheney had try very hard for Iraq war because American will not believe it! In this way American is still believing in Afghanistan is big bad wolf of nine-eleven! I hate this fucker but he is evil genius!

Everyone is knowing that this wars are for big company but at same time they are not knowing this! Human brain science is beautiful thing!

In Russia we say the American cares only for children of American family or friend. This is also true of Russian. Is maybe animal instinct. Russian and American have much in common like this. We never fight each other with own hands. Same as before, but different. Like sequel to blockbuster from 80's movie that was sequel to movie from 50s. It is true, this war is cold. Mostly for other people.

We can play with all the world because common people are living in an own reality cave. First is the hardcore one who is never seeing what is outside of cave. Then is the one at cave door, who is looking down nose at this first one as caveman. Always he is saying things like, "At door to cave they do it so," and "At door to cave is better," and "At door to cave people are smarter," and on and on. But he is always standing like idiot at door to cave and yelling inside. Maybe to argue with caveman. Maybe to hear echo of own voice.

Big difference in Russian and American cave is only little things. For example, when John Kerry was going on new Letterman show with Stephen Colbert, the public was cheering like on Jerry Springer Show. This is strange to Russian people. And laughing on TV about crazy Russian President is make them worry about war. Is like famous joke: Worry about war is like cheer about propaganda.

I am not worry when State Secretary is laughing at joke or telling American lie about Russian lie. Is lie anyway! Also, I know if leader are fighting each other, I am the winner. In Russia, when someone makes me angry, I kill him with bare hands and make to look like KGB poison or gunshot. Angry American leader cries to CIA who do killing and make to look like suicide.

If nine-eleven was happening in Russia, I am seriously killing this guys who are running flight schools unless he is friend of friend. Maybe I am killing him anyway. Sometimes American way to me is looking weak.

Still we are the same, no? To take example: Both American and Russian is saying he want best for Syria.