Sunday 18 September 2011

Spaß am Wahltag: Election Funday

Today is election day in the Kingdom of Prussia, but not for me*. To think that I've lived in Old Fritz's Grove for all this time and I still can't rubber stamp my Prince Elector. Talk about disenfranchisement!

If you didn't notice amongst yesterday's little outburst, I have been experimenting with rollover imagery. For yous not versed in Hyper Textual Militant Lingo, that means that every photo you see below hides behind it another, slightly altered version.

Just move your cursor over the picture to see what some lawless hoodlums have done to deface the sanctity of the art of the democratic race for office. Or, no, wait. Maybe I have that backward. You decide:::

May as well get The Left out of the way first; that's what every other party does when it comes to answering the question of who they'd be willing to form a coalition with. And so the disfigurement in the first example below is appropriate, what with its lack of sophisticated imagination, if not an indication of borderline strawmannerism.

Not that I have illusions about any political faction, even if I still fancy myself left of mind. It's just that die Linkspartei is treated more like the bastard step-cousin party than the neonazis in the NPD... which... I'm sayin'... is telling.

Now would be an appropriate time to move your cursor over the image, if you haven't already.

But Berlin has been a model of sorts; a lesson on how, if you wanna sit in city hall in this town, you gotta do it with die Linke. Or with der Linke or den Linken, as the case may be. Heehee.

Ohne Links geeehts nicht. So far. That doesn't keep the Christian Democrats from trying to capitalize on the big-city scariness of Rot-Rot (SPD-Linke) and all that it hath wrought.

The hover image suggests - regarding the candidate seen here simultaneously hawking his platform book along with his image: Greed?

Personally, I would have gone with Neid? (envy) Especially considering that his little booklet costs fifty cents. I wonder how much he's selling his image for.

Up next: the man being accused of dereliction of duty. The Incumberbundant. Like so many mayors of the international, yet provincial, ours is a guy who'll probably hold on forever. Or until Rahm Emanuel comes and takes his job.

He's seen here already cultivating the b&w elder statesman look, reminding the aging population: 'Remember all those other guys you reelected just because?'

At least our merry pranksters have lent him a slogan: Substance is sooo '90s.

And now, his main challenger who turned out to be not so much. For a while it looked like the wave that swept Fukushima (on to become the Grünen of Baden-Württemberg's own version of reverse disaster-capitalism, two weeks after the disaster) would give the Green image a substantial half-life boost. But since Berlin ain' a glowin', the wind ain't blowin' her sails no mo!

Be careful when you hover over this one, 'cuz Renate kämpft.

Somebody thought capital dwellers could use a reminder that what is killing Berliners now... wait for it... is their desire to get the fuck out of Taliameristan. What's that in Renate's right hand? Eine Grenate! Get it?

Go ahead and go back up and move your cursor on and off the picture. It's fun. Are you paying attention Piratenpartei? This is you in twenty years. Mark my fucking words. And that's if you're lucky enough to have grown desperate, clinging to the perks of power (& of course the desire to hold onto it because without it you can't make more gooder policies for the folks;-)

Free Democrats, like all good lib... er... terriers, tend to be more-so towards those with more-dough. Which just means they're like everyone else - but always having to campaign for and against their brand: 'Why oh why are the rich always being punished!?'

Here they pose the question "Is the FDP a workers' party or the party of the well-to-do?" then the repartee "We'd like it if one earned more with a job than without."

I didn't say that they were clever at fighting against their image. Or connoisseurs of language. Or culture. But they are clever at something. Nobody knows what that is yet.

Because it certainly isn't poster design. They made this one look like it had already been tampered with. With one word-change via vandalism: "We'd like it if one earned more with exploitation than without." My prediction for the FDP, with apologies for its clumsy Isherwoodish... ness: Goodbye to Berlin.

And finally, the guys who bring us Titanic magazine and the party "Die Partei" have provided the image for our last hover.

The background story here is the National Democrats having chosen "Give it gas!" as their slogan. (If ya didn't know the thing about anybody with "National" in their title, surely this little catchphrase is illuminating?)

Now we know this is a tasteless, tactless, and shameful wordplay; there's no denying it given their predilections. But it also shows that they are precisely as clever as the FDP... which... ain'tsayin'mucheither.

What the folks from "Die Partei" party have done is recreate the poster, replacing the photograph of the NPD chairman on a motorbike with that of the founder of the Alliance for the Future of Austria (BZÖ) superimposed over the wreckage of his next to final resting place (depends on how you define "resting" really).

Two weeks after successfully leading his new party to replace his old party in the Austrian Parliament in 2008, the BZÖ leader drove his Volkswagen off the road and died, rendering him unable to deny having gotten liquored up at that gay bar, but not having to deny hustling Sodom out of millions on the eve of shock and/or awe. And enabling his wife to sue the Bild Zeitung for teh gayslander.

It may not be the best system...

...but it's the best one out there
it's the best one goin'
it's the best one we got
it's the best one we got goin'
it's the best one currently in full operation.

*Coming soon: an update on the ₫-mar-kr-€-C$-¥ campaign.