Wednesday 14 September 2011

Meinen Senf zur Berlin Wahl 'elf'

As I've mentioned in round-ups of German elections-past, the campaign season here is mercifully short. The run-up to next Sunday's municipal-state ballot is no exception. When I returned from Poland in August, the streets were plastered with paper that was not there when I departed. The timing is all strictly regulated, as is the deadline for their removal.

Nevertheless, the content of the canvases themselves could not be more superficial. One is to find sympathetic, not pathetic, a visage typical of a driver's license mugshot. These at best might evoke sympathy for the local joker were it not for the occasional intelligence-offending running-gag of a byword, which as far as I am concerned should be their prison ID numbers.

Enough. On to the mockery summary:

The FDP on integration:
"We think it'd a be nice gesture in Paris to ask for 'croissants' instead of 'bread rolls'."

The Free Libs don't realize that „Schrippen" are to "bread rolls" what „Croissants" are to, um... "CROISSANTS"! Fucking retards.

SPD (Social Democrats): "Understanding Berlin."
Translation: Berlin Besserwissen! We understand Berlin so well that we know better than you do.

Die Linke (Left Party):
"Protect renters from the wild west!"
 Translation: If we had any guts, we'd be communists.

CDU Christian Democratic mayoral candidate Frank Henkel parades one of his party's slogans this time around: "Straight forward. Correct." As wordplay this could be understood as "Just right." and/or "At just the right time." Translation: Gerade gruslig. Just creepy.

With the Greens it's best to go straight to the translation:
Promises, promises.

The Pirate Party: "Don't trust campaign posters. Inform yourself" - and then - "Vote PIRATES!" I'll leave the translation to the experts. These guys are projected to clear the 5% hurdle and sit in the Berlin Parliament for the first time.

The self proclaimed Free Democrats are worth two looks, if only because I just got a whiff of this: "First cars, and then...?" Followed by shit about "Work." "Education." "More police." Reminds me of Clinton: right along with the privatized prisons, free trade/slave labor, and the final wave of banking deregulation. And then? How about the two fucking guys next to the poster?


I'm not convinced that advertising is so persuasive. Above all, the thing that has been successfully marketed is the advertising industry itself; they have duped those with too much disposable income into spending a good percentage of their cocaine and whore money on the ideas of rejects (of a world they'd rather be working in: if you can't sell your screenplay, maybe you can edit trailers). One of the examples touted as successful advertising is American fast food chain Wendy's 'Where's the Beef' campaign from the 1980s - thought so effective that Fritz Mondale used it on Gary Hart in the '84 primary for the Democratic Party nomination for President of the US. This was four years before we found out that Hart's beef had been in Donna Rice. (If sloganeering is so compelling, Hart should have been able to use "Our guy's beef is in Rice" to defeat Dukakis that year, who himself went on to defeat in the general. And yet, we are to believe that what put George the Elder over the top was an embarrassing picture of Massachusetts Mike in a tank: Why, even Jon Stewart - who voted 'Bush' in '88 - still says so; it must be true.) Frankly, I don't buy into advertising's effectiveness. I rather believe in the idiocy of those who are not offended by it. Speaking of being Frank, here's some persuasive pith related to local polo-tics:
Hinweise: Zappa's old school:
ponce = pimp