I can't help but feel it's not healthful the anxiety I feel at any having to live outside myself. Whether its side-effects or whatever, it's self-evidently so, and one reason I avoid taking to the stage. The exhilaration at the good and of the appreciation of it, still followed by a discomfort akin to having sent the contents of my torso through a thresher. It's no wonder so many performing artists have drunk themselves to death, or worse.
Music is the heroine. I shudder to think of existence without it. Not literally, but maybe so, were I to think of it the way I ruminate my way into a literal shudder at something I'd recently said that no one else probably gave a second thought to.
Those who bring the music, some of them, may not realise their import, though I'm sure to the extent they're moved themselves, probably so. What we'd be without it is of horror makeup. But, and this is a graciously big but, with it, we're worthy of the word wonderful.
