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Tuesday, 19 July 2022

Ode to Any Unhinged

I have held my tongue long enough. And in the matter of the sweeping conspiracy to manipulate us commoners into passivity, you have all remained silent for far far too long on this topic. Why won't our spray pump bottles work?
 
More importantly, why do we keep buying them in full knowledge that we'll end up pump pump pumping,  holding the bottle this way and that, and at best manage to get one pathetic stream for every eleven pumps? And when that stream comes, what are the chances it will hit where you wanted it to, hmm?

Don't think I haven't already searched for an answer to this question on the world wide web. That's how I know you've been silent on the topic. Naturally Google should take some of the blame for listing and even promoting all of those cloned helpful hints. I found plenty of nifty little drips and drabs on self-styled home hack websites, but they're obviously controlled by Big Spray Bottle, if that's their real name. How do I know? Because none of them address the actual problem! Their sole purpose is to gaslight us into thinking we're too stupid to understand the modern marvels of engineering. Okay, we are too stupid. BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE US CRAZY!!!!11

Yes, the tube is submerged in the liquid. The problem always begins before the bottle is even half empty! No, the nozzle is not clogged. Hence it still sprays once between every gazillion pumps!
 
Let's face it, just like the extreme weight of the amplifier, which's gotta be heavier than the sum of its parts, and the brief life of the battery, the length of which defies analog comparisons, this technology has reached a ceiling to scratch your head on.
 
It's all fine when your bleeding the audience's ears except for those in the nose-bleeds, but if you can't afford a roady, you may as well call yourself a weight lifter, a mover, and a musician, in that order.
 
And the status of the amount of juice remaining in whatever you're looking at, or, more to the point, whatever it is that's using just as much of your brain power because, left to your own devices, you'll forever be thinking about wherever the nearest electrical outlet is or will be when the time comes, which is very soon, if you're not actively seeking one out right now. Handy means always in your hand, and never not tightly lodged in the back of your mind.

I mean, since we've already committed to 5G, which, as we know, does, indeed, cook us just a little bit, why can't we turn our overheated atmosphere and internal organs into a charging station akin to the cloud?
 
And then there's the spray bottle. We've clearly become reconciled to sub-sub optimal utility on offer by Big Plastic, or whatever they go by these days. And this really brings the hammer down on the point that all these little problems are indicative of more important ones. We have so many bigger fish to fry. And yet, rapidly decreasingly, not literally.
 
Wait a minute. You don't suppose Big Rich People are holed up in their gated heavens cleaning the surface of their self-cleaning perpetual motion devices with fail-safe pump sprays whose triggers actually pull their fingers and whose bottles are made of a non-degradable plastic that never finds its way into the air and water supply? It fucking figures! Not only do they have all the best stuff but they sleep better at night.
 
What is the psychological effect of knowing what we ignore and ignoring what we know? And how long before the majority of the bad shit we read about reaches the land fill because it's where we dump our Pampers?